Bad Day

My follow up appointment was a complete waste of time and effort. It could have been done over the telephone to be honest. No physical assessment was done except for vital signs. Abraham will have the heart surgery tomorrow morning and possible shunt placement over the weekend or on Friday. The PDA did not close up with the medication. I am questioning if we continue or stop everything. Glenn wants to continue and I don't want to see him suffer or not have a quality of life. The doctor is not recommending withdrawing care however if the surgical interventions are not successful then that discussion may come up again. I question why I told Madigan to continue life saving events on the first day of birth. I wonder if he would he be better off in heaven then going through hell here. However since we were so far away to said to continue. The doctor told me "he is fighting to not be with us any more" that day. We are packing stuff back up to go back to Seattle right now. Please pray for healing and peace. This has caused great strain on our marriage as well as our emotions.