Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Baby Goddard #2 is a

BOY. This is information for you non Face Book people. He had his back turned the entire ultrasound and never opened his hands or moved his right arm. Hands held tightly in a fist can be a sign of Trisomy 18 however he might have just been sleeping. His legs were long and extended out. In fact they measured bigger than 21 weeks gestation. Since they were not able to get a good look at his face, heart and are concerned about his hands a repeat ultrasound will take place in 4 weeks. This ultrasound will be 3D which gives an even bigger look than 2D. I am nervous about his tight hands, extended legs and his heart valves looked floppy to me. I do see an family practice doctor in a few weeks at OB clinic, (have no idea why I would be seeing family practice when I am high risk OB patient but oh well) so hopefully he or she can give me more detailed information about the ultrasound.My blood work showed 1 in 400 risk for chromosomal abnormalities so 399 healthy babies and 1 with a chromosomal defect. The blood work is not 100% accurate but even the ultrasound can not completely rule out problems. Only  when the baby is born can a problem be identified or even after age 1. Just prayers for healthy baby and that we come up with a name for a boy. We had a girl's name picked out but not a boy's.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Facing Fear

At church this week a verse about fear popped up on the screen. It brought tears to my eyes. Since I am 21 weeks now I know that I am getting into the more critical stage of my pregnancy. I have heard several moms says "he or she tried to come at 27, 28, 29 weeks,ect" but they were able to stop it until I was 32 or more weeks, ect". In my case they were not able to stop labor since my water broke, I was fully effaced and was dilated to 6cm on arrival that night around midnight after the big super bowl game. I had no idea I would deliver so early or be given a medically complex kid. I just told people my due date is May 5th and babies will come when they want to come. I thought Abraham would be born late since most first time moms have babies past the due date. I thought maybe Mother's Day actually not Ground Hogs Day in February. I also remember telling co-workers well if my baby is special needs I have been a nurse so I can deal with it. I really had no clue that I would deliver at 6 1/2 months pregnant, I had unpacking to do, reestablishing Washington friendships and adjusting back to life in Washington. I had no idea that I actually would have a special needs kid.  People say your thoughts guide what happens in your life. To some extent I believe that but really God is in control completely regardless of your thoughts are.  I feel that my thoughts "I can deal with a special needs kid, I have a been a pediatric nurse for x number of years" and "babies will come when they want to" have nothing to do with what God knew would happen in my life.Rather he probably planted these thoughts to prepare me for what was to come. After all there is a verse that talks about "... You were knitted in your mother's womb...". God knows your entire story before your mother is even pregnant with you so how can my thoughts have controlled what happened 4 years ago? This pregnancy the doctors don't really know if the progesterone shots will be effective in preventing premature L & D, they have no idea if my body can carry to term. They just monitor the pregnancy and take it week by week. The further along I get, preferably after 34 weeks gestation the less "high risk" I will be unless other complications arise like high blood pressure or diabetes,ect. The fear I have of going the same situation is real because it is possible especially since they don't have a absolute 100% rationale for the premature L & D. I do know that mother's of micro preemies would probably be have the same fears I have because they to have been there done that. Interesting that this week at bible study and MOPS emotions were discussed. When a parent is upset or angry and a kid asks "what's wrong mommy" you should not lie to your kids but rather tell them mommy is having a hard day, is sad about something and it has nothing to do with you, God will help me. At MOPS they discussed not dismissing negative feelings such as anger or fear but rather acknowledge them. If your child is scared of monsters in the room and won't stay in bed don't just tell the child, there are no monsters in the house, now go back to bed and don't come out again or you will be punished. The child has true feelings, even though, negative, they are real feelings and by being disappointing in the negative emotion you are not teaching your child to work through emotions which can lead to confusion and self esteem issues. They begin questioning maybe I really am not scared and get very confused about emotions. Obviously you don't want your angry child to be violent and hit and kick people but you do want to them to address the emotion rather than suppress. A child that never learns to deal with negative emotions may become an adult that stuffs the emotions then  blows up with anger or not know how to deal with other people or their emotions. I have fear about the delivery of this baby and the length of the pregnancy, if I will be the 1 of the 399 with a baby that has Down's Syndrome (based on my blood work my risk is that of a 35 year old, 1 in 400 risk of Down's Syndrome) these are real emotions. I have obviously reasons for this fear, my prior personal experience with a completely unexpected 2nd trimester delivery at a hospital not equipped to deal with a 26 weeker, 2.2 lbs baby. It is my reality. Abraham is doing amazing but on arrival to Madigan he was not doing so well, we received the phone call about continuing CPR or not and  9 days old we had the discussion about continuing life support or not. Healthy full term babies are learning to breast feed or drink from a bottle and the family is adjusting to a human being that they completely have to provide for. Our experience was different we were facing decisions and signing paper work to consent for flight to Madigan, blood transfusions, intubation, CPR, IV fluids, TPN/lipids,central lines, surgeries and transfers to 2 other hospitals. We are thankful for Abraham and all he has over came and accomplished. I just want people to understand my fear about this pregnancy. No one can ever truly know what exactly it was like, even other families with micro preemies. I will never understand their experiences either but I can relate. It is possible God does want me to care for 2 special needs kids. I have no idea why and I hope not but you never know. Next week we find out of the baby is a boy or a girl. Abraham wants a baby sister and we have a girl's name picked out but we will know for sure next week.