Tuesday, April 28, 2009

When will this be over?

I have had a very difficult time emotionally lately. I hear others say how strong I am yet I don't feel that way.I am running low on coping skills. I even yelled at a nurse tonight. Over the last several days he has had many different nurses that have never had him before. This is frustrating since I asked for primary nurses. He had a consistent nurse on night shift however she moved back to Canada to be closer to her family. The mother is his old room mate liked her too. I have dinner with the other mother. She is very strong from what I see. She even lost one of her twin boys. I never see her cry or get angry at the staff. It might be a cultural thing too. He had a nice day shift nurse yesterday and today. His nurse today can not primary since she only works one day a week. She is a mother of 4 children. They attempted to lower his oxygen flow from 3 quarters of a liter to 1/2 liter. He did not tolerate this too well so they put him back up. Also he went from being on 21% oxygen (room air with air flow) to requiring up to 40%. His eyes are still immature so he is still at risk for blindness. He was started on medication for gastric reflux which seems to be helping a little bit however he is still having symptoms. His feeds are continuous still rather than bolus feeds (more like regular eating, every 3 hours). He had a bladder/kidney scan, VCUG, which showed no evidence of kidney reflux (urine back flowing into the kidneys. One thing that is frustrating is I am there every single day and I had no idea that he was started on antibiotics as a precaution on Saturday for potential kidney problems. Glenn does not remember being told this either. I knew from the prenatal ultrasound that his kidney was enlarged. I also did not know he was having a VCGU until the transport team showed up to take him there. The nurse did not think that I could go with him however I insisted and was able to stay with him the whole time and talk to him. The procedure involves inserting a catheter into the penis and filling the bladder with dye then checking on the computer screen when he voids if the urine refluxes back into the kidneys. Thankfully his scan showed no evidence of kidney reflux. Kidney reflux can put at an increase risk for bladder/kidney infections and difficulties. There are many people in my family with kidney problems including myself. He is still getting bigger. He grabbed his pacifier yesterday and took it out of his mouth all by himself. It was very cute. He also gets out of his blanket and gets down the end of the isolette. He has been sleeping during the day and awake at night. We are going to work on getting him turned around. My friend that is due May 8th, 3 days after my due date, might have to have a c-section this Friday because the baby is breech. Please pray that the baby will turn around as she wants an all natural labor and delivery. It feels weird that my due date is 1 week from now however my baby was born 12 weeks ago. I actually thought he would be late and be born on Mother's Day. Oh well there is some reason why he came so early. I heard in a song today that reason(s) why we go thru stressful, difficult and painful stuff is not always revealed until you have lived thru it. I am learning to be more assertive in this however I don't want to be too pushy. It think it was "Cowgirls Don't Cry". This song encouraged me to be strong however I also know that holding in emotions all the time is not good on your health. It can cause high blood pressure, ulcers and other problems. At the same time there is appropriate time, place and way to let the emotions out.I miss the people and sunshine in San Diego.


  1. Karen,

    I meant to share this song with you a few times. I first heard it during a Lenton service at my Church. The song immediately made me think of you. I hope it gives you comfort, you have touched so many lives with your open sharing. Please know that we are here for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYlc-_W3S0Q

  2. We miss you, too. And praying for you always.

    Lynn and family :)