33 weeks

It has been a while since I updated my blog due to Abe's appointments, morning sickness and other life happenings. We are having another boy Luke Noah. I have no idea when he will be born but I am hoping for a drug free birth since the recovery period is shorter. I did develop the gestational diabetes which I knew with the progesterone shots was a risk. My blood sugars are typically under control unless I eat food high in carbohydrate and not adequate protein. My highest 2 hours after meals was 143 and fasting 103. I usually can account for what has caused the spikes. So thus far I don't require medications to control it, just diet and exercise. When it got to 143 I took at 1/2 hour walk and it went down to the 96.  I have been walking more which I was afraid to over do it early on for fear of miscarriage or premature labor. Abe and I went for a 1 hour walk today and it wore me out. I have been in twice thinking I was in premature labor at 23 and 24 weeks. At 32 weeks I slipped on my kitchen floor and since the nurse at the childbirth class said to notify if you fall down I called. I was advised to come in. Thankfully the blood work showed no signs of premature labor or a placenta tear, ect and the monitor showed no contractions and Luke's heart rate was strong. I got to leave the hospital. I figured I was fine but it was better to error on the caution side. I was going to do treatment for PTSD surrounding my prior delivery however since stress raises my blood sugar one doctor advised not to under go that kind of treatment right now. I am hoping my labor and delivery with Luke with heal the trauma. Most of you already know with Abe it happened so quick and was very traumatic. I only saw the top of his head and his eyes because I asked if he was definitely a boy and this quick look was not right away either but probably 10 minutes after I heard him cry. I finally saw him for the first time over 12 hours later at Madigan after a social worker and doctor pulled us aside to and told us that he probably would not survive due to extubation that occurred in flight which caused oxygen deprivation and possible brain injury.  I got to hold him in my arms for the first time 14 days after birth. One day in April when I left the counselor's office at Naval Hospital I looked at the window while waiting for the elevator and the fire truck, ambulance and the helicopter were out there. The first thoughts that went thru my mind were, I bet that is for a pregnant momma or baby, then I went to the L and D floor to visit with the nurses I know there and sure enough a baby was being wheeled out by the flight crew to get on the helicopter for transport. I did not shake or cry but I wondered is that baby also going to have the same degree of disability my Abe has, is the baby going to be okay?  I was terrified to ever get pregnant again but since I know several moms with special needs kids and/or prior preemies have successful deliveries and full term healthy babies I figured if I am going to do this I better do it before I turn 40. We stopped using our preferred method of birth control in late August and either late October, early November, I probably know the exact dates but that will be TMI for this blog, Luke was growing in my womb. Now I am almost 34 weeks and feel more confident that my body is capable of carrying a full term baby I am terrified of the delivery. I struggled since Abe was born that some how it's my fault that my body had him born so early but I also know God knows his whole story before I was even pregnant with him. I don't want my uterus to rupture but I don't want another c-section, the recovery period is too long and I have had 4 surgeries in 3 1/2 years and I really don't want another surgery.I had pain at my c-section site for several years.  I have heard 2 recent local stories of hemorrhage even with a scheduled c-section. I will be having a growth ultrasound between week 35-36 to check the size of the baby. I feel this is the doctor's ploy to convince me to repeat scheduled c-section.  I don't want to be induced, I don't want a c-section. I waited the 3 years, actually 3 1/2 years and it will be 4 1/2 years when I actually deliver. I need to over come this fear. I have read some Bradley books, plan to watch the Business of being Born (if Abe will let me), went to 1 child birth class, attending one for those who want to try labor after c-section and hired a doula. I hope for a healthy baby if that means c-section again I will just have to deal with it however I would rather a natural, drug free birth without complications for either me or baby.  My husband's MRI did not show evidence of a brain tumor. My mother in law does have cancer and so does my mother. My mother has stage 1 breast cancer and will be undergoing the radiation therapy, the intense short duration treatment. She had the balloon inserted today and will start treatment in the morning. Unfortunately she will have to drive herself to and from the radiation session since my siblings are not able to help.  Although she wants to and had planned to come to meet Luke she probably won't feel up to coming and so far has not purchased her plane ticket to visit. I am not sure if my mother in law has started any cancer treatment or is taking palliative measures. On other note Abraham loved the therapeutic riding lessons at Miracle Ranch, it was the best birthday present for him. We signed him up for summer session too.