Sick of Hospital life

I am so sick of the hospital, the food, the inconsistency in nurses and the smoke in the parking garage. Sorry to vent I am just tired of being away from home. We decided to cancel the remodeling plans completely because one room was going to cost $70 thousand. We are out a little money for the planning and blue prints. We decided that to do the the re-modeling ourselves. This will be Glenn since Karen does not have a clue how to re-model. We felt it was best to cancel due to the cost, we don't know if Abraham might need a house that is wheelchair accessible and we don't know how long we will be stationed in WA. His temperature is too cold today so I can't even hold him. We just put him in warmer clothes and re wrapped him in a blanket. This is very upsetting to me since I saw a mother of a young baby in the cafeteria giving her baby a bottle, "bottle propping" while he sat in the carrier. I should not judge others but I feel that babies should be held especially while being fed. She was not even looking at the baby during this time either. I thought I was dealing with this better however as my due date approaches I am getting very sad. I would much rather have him inside of me growing than put him thru everything that he has had to deal with. I also wish that I had more control over the experience however I did not. I had to have an emergent c-section and deliver him 14 weeks early. There was no choice in any of this. The only choices I had were to let the medical professionals continue CPR or not and what hospital for him to go to for the PDA surgery. I usually hold Abe 1-3 times daily however today he is too cold. The nurse is going to see if he will warm up enough and she will even get a warming blanket so that I can hold him. He just does not seem like himself today, not fighting as much. I am concerned that since he would be a full term baby that evidence of damage to the brain is showing up. His eye exam is soon so please pray that everything turns out okay. Sorry to be so emotional I am just feeling that it's not fair that my son is so sick and other mothers and babies don't have to go thru this. I understand that some babies spend a week in the NICU however we have been here almost 3 months.